“Imagine the garden of your soul. Imagine the tree that is your soul. There are beautiful and bountiful things there, new and freshly springing things there, and old dead things there. We must take great care of this garden and tree.
As for what is beautiful and bountiful, our fruits, do not let them burden you by holding to heavily to them. Give them eagerly to all that pass and are hungry, and let them go to the ground and seed. Reach down around you and give; so you do not become bent and frozen in greed.
Take great care to nurture and protect the fresh growth that is so tender. So many things are eager to feed on soft limbs. One must work to keep the fresh growth from being eaten by others.
Acknowledge what is sickly, acknowledge the rotten fruit, acknowledge every dead limb, even if not by your choices. There is always need to prune dead branches. Mourn not. We must toil, work, sweat, and bury these. Into the ground they go and compost. The growing season will come again, you must make the ground fertile and worthy of all the beautiful things that can grow.”
Even reflecting on this old journal entry I find myself understanding on new and deeper levels. Not learning the lesson easily has caused drains on my creativity and productivity, I am just starting to get it. Before, I related it mostly to personal growth, the transcendental creative efforts to become.
It is very clear to me, after the last two years, how very important it is to reflect on similar concepts outside of myself. Primarily in respects to relationships with other people. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Clearly the importance of keeping a journal or grimoire is clear- lessons are circles and cycles overlapping. There is always more to glean.
Now often there are those, myself even, that when I say ” unhealthy relationships” they want to run away from everyone, even family. We may even have unhealthy relationships with ourselves. Would you really kill that? Of course not. In such cases, as with our blood families, we must instead consider how to prune out the bad aspects.
While some feel such unhealthy relationships are best ended, I don’t think it safe to simplify it like that. When it is your family it is a very emotional thing to do to. And you may want to be close enough to atleast handle the holidays, or perhaps just be in the loop for weddings and funerals. I do not want to destroy these relationships. However I can set the rules, change my role, remove the buttons, and refuse to play into negative cycles. I can choose to keep the tree pruned.
Even if you change your role, your habits, and numb your triggers/ buttons, the other person may never accept you outside of the role they chose for you. This is especially true of those suffering of addictive diseases. They want their illusion, you play your part or your out. It is heartbreaking.
Marking boundaries is not as hard to do in action as it is to choose in your heart. We have to release the idealism, the idea our love can change it all. The reality is we have control of only our part of the relationship. We can not control the choices of others. Even if you choose it, it may likely take practice.
I had to make this choice with a parent. It has been like an awkward dance. Trying to find the right distance, keeping the temptation to believe something will be different at bay, keeping the anger in balance with the compassion- It is so hard.
The week I finally bid farewell to the last unhealthy relationship I was carrying, three things happened. My health improved, my spirit was refreshed, and my mind was at rest. There were ofcourse dreams and other signs it was working best.
It is all like the words of song “I’m So Glad” by Fahamisha Patricia Brown as learned from her grandmother, this is a women empowering version that is non religious. The advice given to the child is to Take care of yourself, Be free or die, speak your truth, and always let your light shine.
We owe it to ourselves to be free of unhealthy relationships. Even if it is is family, we must find a very safe and healthy boundary. It is not being mean to them. Allowing yourself to be abused or hurt in any aspect (mind,body, spirit) is not loving someone else, nor is it loving you. Loving yourself enough to say NO MORE is also loving them.
I hope sharing this helps others choose safe and healthy boundaries. I hope it empowers people to protect what is sacred within them. So that you have a beautiful flourishing garden of your soul was meant to be. For me that means rampant creativity!
